I have been to four Swedish weddings. All different and all similar at the same time. They were all different because in each of them the couples wanted different kinds of events. Freedom of choice is a great thing, especially when one actually uses it. I have been to over 15 weddings in my home country and I have the feeling that I have attended the same event over and over again. During 20 years! I do not feel that way about Swedish weddings. Although different, the events here still have enough traditions to tie them together and make them Swedish.
Swedish weddings – the differences
1. Church, officiated or private
The traditional way is to have the actual wedding ceremony in a church, but nowadays the most common is probably to have an official from the City Hall conduct the ceremony. The third option is a more cosy and private ceremony. A couple can get married in the City Hall and later hold an unofficial ceremony that a friend performs. The first takes longer, the second is very short and the third can take as long as the couple wants. I have witnessed them all.
2. Dresscode
Couples usually write it on the wedding invitations and it can vary. Men usually get away with a black suit and tie in most cases, while women need to be more careful. In case of doubt ask the bride or groom for details.
3. Wedding dinner: fine dining or homemade banquet
A nice dinner is the usual, whether it is in a restaurant or in a hotel. I have experienced dinners with different levels of fanciness but the food, often a three-course-meal and a wedding cake, has always tasted very good. I have also been invited to a wedding where each guest was assigned a dish or an ingredient to bring. Everyone then put it together in a giant, delicious and multi-cultural buffet.
4. Wedding gifts
A wedding guest should bring a wedding gift with a card unless the couple states otherwise. Sometimes the couple prefers a monetary contribution to the honeymoon or no gift at all (for instance, if you have to travel very far for the wedding). Again, the invitation should mention this. If it’s not, it’s up to you.
Swedish weddings – the similarities
1. Schedule
The couple usually schedules the activities of the wedding day, and guests receive or see a program. Guests might even receive a goody bag with accessories to use during the day (e.g. candy, rice, soap bubbles, etc.).
2. Toastmasters
These people play a very important role at a Swedish wedding. The bride and groom select them. Their job is to make sure the schedule runs smoothly, announce the speeches, amuse and entertain the guests with jokes in between, and organise surprises that the couple does not know about.
3. Dinner seating
Tradition says that couples, married or sambos, sit away from each other during the wedding dinner, in order to socialise with other couples in the same situation. The rule doesn’t apply for couples about to get married. If you are new in Sweden or don’t speak Swedish, this may seem a bit weird and difficult. It’s ok if you ask the person next to your partner to exchange seats with you, but it’s also fun to meet and socialise with new people. Not all events follow this rule.
4. Empty chairs at Swedish weddings
During the wedding dinner you might wonder why two empty chairs stand across the bride and groom. Typically, the newlyweds sit with their families and the chairs give other guests an opportunity to sit down for a few minutes, keep them company and have a little chat with them.
5. Speeches
Speeches often take place during the wedding dinner. Family members or close friends usually hold them, and most people plan them in advance. The number of speeches can vary a lot, from 5 to 25!
6. What’s with all the kissing?
If you see a line of single ladies on their way to kiss the groom on the cheek during the wedding, it means that the bride has gone to the restroom. The same happens when the groom goes to the toilet and the bride gets kissed by all the single gentlemen. I find this tradition one of the most funny.
7. Games
The bride and groom often play games while the guests happily cheer. They might answer questions about each other or try to find one another among other guests while blindfolded, based on the tip of the nose or the shape of the calves. Guests also often organise quizzes about the wedding couple, which offer a great way to learn about their love story.
8. Alcohol
Not free! In a lot of countries the wedding package includes all-you-can-drink for everybody. In Sweden, you will probably get champagne before the meal and a glass of wine for every course at dinner, but if you want to drink more afterwards bring your wallet.
Of course the list could go on and again it depends a lot on where in Sweden and who takes part in the wedding. I enjoy not knowing what’s going to happen and letting the day surprise me. Above all, no matter how the day goes, the important part is celebrating love.
What’s your opinion about Swedish weddings? Did you have similar or different experiences?
2 responses to “Weddings in Sweden – What to expect?”
Thank you Aline! I’m glad you enjoyed my post.
Thanks for this great article!
I have a question: how much should I give as money contribution for the honeymoon?
We are two persons, coming from abroad but the expenses for the travel are not so high and the rest is offered.
Thanks a lot!!